Keeping your maiden name?

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urmaserendipity85
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Post by urmaserendipity85 » Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:02 am

I'm quite traditional in that I like the idea of changing my name and being a family unit (plus no one in their right mind would change their name to mine!).
Only problem is that since he hasn't had the sense to propose yet (after 5 years!) that I will be starting training with my maiden name, probably finishing it in my maiden name and building up a reputation and getting research published. Just worried about having to almost start from scratch.
Also the worry that when I qualify, my married surname along with title Dr will make me the unfortunate title of an Aqua song. Can I really stand people singing that to me all the time?
I agree with the safety thing in that I currently have no problems working with the same name as my home life, and obviously men have to do it.
It's just a really tricky one and I guess there's no right answer, it's just a personal preference.
Interesting debate though!

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baa
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Post by baa » Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:07 am

charley wrote:Anybody ever thought of asking their husband to change his name? why not have a 'family unit' with the matriarch's name? Friends of mine both changed their names to a mutually chosen surname to solve any greviances in that area. I always had (all my friends married a long time ago) a sinking feeling of disappointment whenever a strong minded, independent, female friend meekly changed her name on her wedding day for the sake of convenience. Another victory for patriarchy. :)
It doesn't necessarily have to be meek or convenient, it sometimes just really doesn't matter to the individual that they don't have their original name. I know where I came from and who I am, my surname doesn't make a difference to me. The main reason for me not changing my name would be the sheer amount of forms I would have to change.

Mind you, all this is a bit academic as I work very slowly through my relationship, so getting married will be a loooooong way off :D

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Post by Ruthie » Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:42 am

We liked the idea of having a family name when we got married and decided to have a double-barreled surname. To us it was about us coming together as a couple, each bringing our histories.

We both liked the idea, but have to live down the perception that we are quite posh! We're not at all :lol: .

Ruthie

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Post by choirgirl » Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:39 am

Apparently there's a bit of an American trend (which will no doubt wend it's way across the water if it hasn't already :roll: - these things usually do!) for something called meshing, which is taking a bit of her name and a bit of his name and creating a whole new name...!
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eponymous85
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Post by eponymous85 » Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:45 am

charley wrote: I always had (all my friends married a long time ago) a sinking feeling of disappointment whenever a strong minded, independent, female friend meekly changed her name on her wedding day for the sake of convenience. Another victory for patriarchy. :)
I'm going to temporarily depart from diplomacy, and say please don't pity or patronise me (or anyone else) for my lifestyle choices, as I wouldn't do to you.
The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by any invader. The mind is a complex and many layered thing.

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noodle
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Post by noodle » Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:48 am

charley wrote:Anybody ever thought of asking their husband to change his name? why not have a 'family unit' with the matriarch's name? Friends of mine both changed their names to a mutually chosen surname to solve any greviances in that area.
I've been trying to convince my fiance that we should both change our surname to Bear following the wedding but he's not having any of it :lol: Personally I think it would be great to be Mr & Mrs Bear!

lakeland
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Post by lakeland » Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:49 am

We liked the idea of having a family name when we got married and decided to have a double-barreled surname. To us it was about us coming together as a couple, each bringing our histories.
What if your surname is already double barrelled? A triple barrelled name?! (Mine isn't, but should have been, as my dad's is - we're so not posh which is why he stopped using it barrelled)
Also the worry that when I qualify, my married surname along with title Dr will make me the unfortunate title of an Aqua song. Can I really stand people singing that to me all the time?
Yeah, when I qualify I'll also have a stupid name - I'll be like a doctor in a nursery rhyme! And my ex is doing a PhD and his name will be like a famous boot!

astra
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Post by astra » Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:04 pm

I was married before I got on the course and it was a relief to me to abandon my father's name as we really don't have anything resembling a relationship. So I went with the traditional name change. I find it fairly convenient to only have one surname to contend with and so far have not had a safety issue with it. We are ex-directory and live a bit of a way out of my immediate work area so the likelihood of being tracked down is slim, if not beyond the realms of possibility. I think there are lots of reasons why people might make a decision about their name at different life/career stages and we should respect each other's choices in that.

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Post by magrat » Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:18 pm

eponymous85 wrote:
charley wrote: I always had (all my friends married a long time ago) a sinking feeling of disappointment whenever a strong minded, independent, female friend meekly changed her name on her wedding day for the sake of convenience. Another victory for patriarchy. :)
I'm going to temporarily depart from diplomacy, and say please don't pity or patronise me (or anyone else) for my lifestyle choices, as I wouldn't do to you.
I'd second this wholeheartedly.

My decision to change my name was mine and mine alone, and one I made for a number of reasons. I don't think anyone else has the right to make assumptions about the nature or validity of those reasons, or to belittle me because of my choice.

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Post by Ruthie » Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:23 pm

lakeland wrote:What if your surname is already double barrelled? A triple barrelled name?! (Mine isn't, but should have been, as my dad's is - we're so not posh which is why he stopped using it barrelled)
I read a feminist piece somewhere that suggested sons should take their father's part of the name and daughter's their mother's part of the name. But I do think these decisions are personal and no-one should be judging another person's choices.

Ruthie

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nettyb
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Post by nettyb » Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:27 pm

urmaserendipity85 wrote:Also the worry that when I qualify, my married surname along with title Dr will make me the unfortunate title of an Aqua song.
:lol: Me too ... it's a popular name! We're going to have the DJ play it at our reception for a laugh.

charley, after telling my fiance about this thread last night a discussion ensued about whether he would take my name ... you should have seen his face! It was a picture, especially as his first name really doesn't go with my surname and it makes him sound like a porn star! Bless, I really couldn't put him through that!

red_llamas
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Post by red_llamas » Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:27 pm

There are definately some names that don't suit being double barrelled!!! I think mine would be one of them :lol:

urmaserendipity85
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Post by urmaserendipity85 » Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:06 pm

nettyb wrote:We're going to have the DJ play it at our reception for a laugh.
I thought about doing that too!

In terms of double-barreled, NOTHING goes with my current surname, except for the possible "Pipe". Will leave it up to your imaginations what my surname is.

My cousin's maiden name was Bullen and she became Herd when she married. Wish she'd done double barreled as Bullen-Herd would have been hilarious!

lakeland
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Post by lakeland » Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:49 pm

Ruthie wrote:
lakeland wrote:What if your surname is already double barrelled? A triple barrelled name?! (Mine isn't, but should have been, as my dad's is - we're so not posh which is why he stopped using it barrelled)
I read a feminist piece somewhere that suggested sons should take their father's part of the name and daughter's their mother's part of the name. But I do think these decisions are personal and no-one should be judging another person's choices.

Ruthie
Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as criticising anyone's choice - I was just thinking out loud about my situation if my dad hadn't changed his name (the first bit of his surname was Ball, so we used to joke that he had dropped his balls - hehe)

abc
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Post by abc » Fri Jun 12, 2009 2:41 pm

choirgirl wrote:Apparently there's a bit of an American trend (which will no doubt wend it's way across the water if it hasn't already - these things usually do!) for something called meshing, which is taking a bit of her name and a bit of his name and creating a whole new name...!
I hadn't actually heard that this was a common thing in the US, but my partner and I have been this. He thinks I should keep my maiden name for work, but would like me to take his surname at home. But I would have such a silly name, if I took on his. But I do want the same name - I'm not even sure I would keep my maiden name at work? So we'd been playing with the idea of creating our own name out of our two surnames.

I personally like the idea of this, as we are creating our own family and our own traditions. And I'd like for our family to have the same name, and this way its all us. We can start a new, and combine our own family traditions to create our own.

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