5 things I'm thinking today. . .

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miriam
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Thu Apr 11, 2019 10:24 pm

Geishawife wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2019 6:50 am
To everyone who has sent their lovely thoughts and wishes during this difficult time with my sister-in-law, just to let you know she passed away peacefully and with her family at her side in the early hours of this morning. We are grateful for how she passed and that she had all 3 of her boys with her. Thank you again to everyone for their support, it makes a world of difference. Miriam, that is a lovely way of framing things - far from being inappropriate, I have used it as a way of helping my daughter understand the loss.
I'm so sorry to hear that, but it sounds like the best possible end in the circumstances. Time with loved ones is so precious. I'm glad if my little metaphor can be helpful at all.
Miriam

See my blog at http://clinpsyeye.wordpress.com

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:32 pm

1. The small business grant we applied for at the end of last year has passed through due diligence and been approved. It couldn't be more timely, as we are suddenly seeing how much we need to do to be ready to scale up as the demand for our products and services increases. Their match funding will let us create two more jobs, replace our old broken laptops, get some new furniture, create some onboarding videos for our online tools, and pay for the legal and financial advice we need to adjust to the new business model.
2. I'm quite excited about the idea of expanding the team. That includes the three qualified CPs that have expressed an interest in working with us, the increased staffing on the technical/management side, and the candidates I've shortlisted for the research post we have up for advert at the moment. I'd like to also find more qualified clinical psychologists to support the various projects we are developing around the UK.
3. I feel like I've got a never ending queue of things I ought to have done already. There are so many emails waiting for action in my inbox that I feel quite overwhelmed. I have to keep reminding myself how much I have managed to tick off the list already, and that I'm only one person and can only do my best.
4. We are finally making progress with our house/barn. We've got the detailed drawings and have met a series of builders who are going to quote on the work for the barn. We need that to be finished so we can live in there whilst they then do the work on the house, as we can't live without power, bathrooms or kitchen - but they are all in the part of the house that needs to be demolished! We can then rent out the barn as a holiday let to help cover the costs of some of the other things that need doing.
5. We also have a biodiversity plan for the site beginning to emerge, including owl boxes, bat protection and badger immunisation, and we are looking at the various options for funding repairs to the dry stone walls, and work to remove the bracken from the wood. One option is to get some pigs, but I'm a bit wary of the responsibility. Pigs are very big, very clever and eat absolutely anything, whilst I'm a vegetarian!
Miriam

See my blog at http://clinpsyeye.wordpress.com

lakeland
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lakeland » Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:27 am

miriam wrote:
Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:32 pm
1. The small business grant we applied for at the end of last year has passed through due diligence and been approved. It couldn't be more timely, as we are suddenly seeing how much we need to do to be ready to scale up as the demand for our products and services increases. Their match funding will let us create two more jobs, replace our old broken laptops, get some new furniture, create some onboarding videos for our online tools, and pay for the legal and financial advice we need to adjust to the new business model.
2. I'm quite excited about the idea of expanding the team. That includes the three qualified CPs that have expressed an interest in working with us, the increased staffing on the technical/management side, and the candidates I've shortlisted for the research post we have up for advert at the moment. I'd like to also find more qualified clinical psychologists to support the various projects we are developing around the UK.
3. I feel like I've got a never ending queue of things I ought to have done already. There are so many emails waiting for action in my inbox that I feel quite overwhelmed. I have to keep reminding myself how much I have managed to tick off the list already, and that I'm only one person and can only do my best.
4. We are finally making progress with our house/barn. We've got the detailed drawings and have met a series of builders who are going to quote on the work for the barn. We need that to be finished so we can live in there whilst they then do the work on the house, as we can't live without power, bathrooms or kitchen - but they are all in the part of the house that needs to be demolished! We can then rent out the barn as a holiday let to help cover the costs of some of the other things that need doing.
5. We also have a biodiversity plan for the site beginning to emerge, including owl boxes, bat protection and badger immunisation, and we are looking at the various options for funding repairs to the dry stone walls, and work to remove the bracken from the wood. One option is to get some pigs, but I'm a bit wary of the responsibility. Pigs are very big, very clever and eat absolutely anything, whilst I'm a vegetarian!
It's really lovely to hear good news from you Miriam, I've always appreciated how honest you've been about post-NHS life.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Fri Apr 12, 2019 4:35 pm

lakeland wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:27 am
It's really lovely to hear good news from you Miriam, I've always appreciated how honest you've been about post-NHS life.
Thanks Lakeland. Its been an interesting journey, and I've never regretted forging my own path. But we certainly seem to be breaking into new territory this year. We've exceeded my expectations for the year already, and there is a risk that we won't be able to keep up with demand!
Miriam

See my blog at http://clinpsyeye.wordpress.com

lingua_franca
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Sat Apr 13, 2019 1:29 am

1.) The practice of anonymous student module evaluations needs to end. There is research to show that they're biased against young female academics, and I have just had a lovely illustrative example - a critique of my hairstyle, my choice of footwear, and my decision not to wear makeup ("She needs it"). What's the betting that was a male student? We have to write a response to the evaluations, explaining how students' feedback will be taken on board (!). I am going to enjoy crafting my response to that...
2.) I ate some very tasty jackfruit this evening. It's a new thing to me and I need more of it in my life.
3.) Do I or do I not go to Lebanon this summer?
4.) I scored 63 on my dressage test and narrowly missed out on the fourth-place rosette. I'm quite chuffed with that, as it's only been six weeks since I returned to riding, after a two-decade hiatus.
5.) My mood hasn't been great today. I blame the unkind module evaluations and lack of sleep. Time to get into my pyjamas and snuggle into bed.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by maven » Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:48 pm

lingua_franca wrote:
Sat Apr 13, 2019 1:29 am
1.) The practice of anonymous student module evaluations needs to end. There is research to show that they're biased against young female academics, and I have just had a lovely illustrative example - a critique of my hairstyle, my choice of footwear, and my decision not to wear makeup ("She needs it"). What's the betting that was a male student? We have to write a response to the evaluations, explaining how students' feedback will be taken on board (!). I am going to enjoy crafting my response to that...
5.) My mood hasn't been great today. I blame the unkind module evaluations and lack of sleep. Time to get into my pyjamas and snuggle into bed.
This is entirely inappropriate and needs to be reported to the university, not given the dignity of a response. It says way more about the author than about you.
Maven.

Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools because they have to say something - Plato
The fool thinks himself to be wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool - Shakespeare

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by LozLoz » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:35 pm

1. Applying for the Doctorate in Counselling Psychology is a lonely and tiresome process.

2. I now have to spend my lovely Easter break stuck to my daughter as she injured herself on a trampoline, and is now stuck in a boot for a while.🙄🙄

3. Sleep! I need a good night sleep, otherwise I get the worst headaches. 😴

4 Gaining clinical hours takes a while, but I'm glad I'm learning about my own process and finding out what sort of practitioner I am. 😊

5. Everybody is so wrapped up in their own issues that I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling / or what I'm thinking 😢

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by nomnom » Wed Apr 17, 2019 11:40 am

We are here for you Lozloz - feel free to message :-)

1. Personal life is shambles. His mum is putting ego and pride before her son and our happiness which is forcing us to take matters in to our own even though we really wanted to have everyone on our side and do things the right way. I don't think that is going to happen. We have decided on crunch time in 3 weeks time and after that, everyone can just deal with it. Urgh.

2. So much to do and so much happening this year already. I really need to focus and get things done but its so hard trying to focus when my amygdala is having parties past midnight consecutively!

3. Friends wedding this weekend! I'm welcoming the distraction and it will be nice to see people I've not had time to catch up with. Did I mention its an Asian wedding? Come at me food and desserts! :D

4. I need to sort out hotel and travel plans for part 1 EMDR training in Chester next month. Waiting on my Amazon order so I can do the reading beforehand. I enjoy being a geek.

5. I need to remember to breathe.
'Forget what hurt you. But remember what it taught you'

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by Mudisco » Wed Apr 17, 2019 8:46 pm

1. The amazement with how far I have come despite the multiple odds against me
2. Thinking that friendships are not just for me, should just settle with the small talk and be by myself
3. That the prominent people in my life wants me to be someone else, people that I have decided to cut from my life
4. How strong and kickass I am
5. That no matter what journey I am going through, I will do great things

JB99
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by JB99 » Tue Apr 23, 2019 3:36 pm

1. I've had a lot of driving related woes. I recently got flashed on the M25 right at the point of the limit change (smart motorway). I was slowing down but didn't slow down quickly enough (got flashed 3 metres after the change). Was probably going ~53-55 in a 50 from a 60 zone. Yesterday I accidentally went through a red light because I thought I was in a green filter lane (maybe it was, but it was not clear even in hindsight!). I'm worried about losing my license, as I'm under 2 years since passing (6 points = revoked license), and the impact that this will have on the doctorate. I know it's ultimately my responsibility, but I never speed with intent and I'm frustrated that these two errors may result in my losing my license.

2. Still deciding which course to choose.

3. Had a lovely Easter weekend (bar the drive home). Met my friends up north. Normally the drive is too long for just a weekend, so it was nice seeing them for an extended period.

4. I've let my hair grow a bit too long, but I never found a good barber since I moved here. Definitely a task I avoid because I've had some really dodgy haircuts.

5. Doing some CPD today, which is quite a relaxed start after the weekend.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by benbrand » Tue Apr 23, 2019 10:39 pm

1. I'm the victim of two counts of domestic fraud- my sister set up two lines of credit with online retailors. What's absolutely astounding to me is all that she needed was my DOB, previous address, and name. I'm dealing with debt collectors to have the record wiped, but it's obviously not with ease. Also, it's not easy acknowledging a family member stealing from you. Whilst I acknowledge her own mental health struggles, as well as understand from a psychological perspective my sister's deceitful behaviour, it's still difficult for me to move past this. Anyone else dealt with this? How far should one's understanding go?

2. Having anxiety dreams about my DClinPsy interview mid-May. They have been pretty outlandish and weird. Last night's interview took part at a work christmas party.

3. I'm getting impatient with the more senior researchers I'm working under and finding this whole publishing malarky a real gamble. I feel like I've invested so much time and energy into projects with the hope of publication, but so many seem to have lost steam/fallen by the wayside as senior authors move on.

4. Can't think of a 4th.

5. Silver lining; it's a beautiful sunny day today! Needed to finish on a positive.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Wed Apr 24, 2019 11:42 pm

JB99 wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 3:36 pm
1. I've had a lot of driving related woes. I recently got flashed on the M25 right at the point of the limit change (smart motorway). I was slowing down but didn't slow down quickly enough (got flashed 3 metres after the change). Was probably going ~53-55 in a 50 from a 60 zone. Yesterday I accidentally went through a red light because I thought I was in a green filter lane (maybe it was, but it was not clear even in hindsight!). I'm worried about losing my license, as I'm under 2 years since passing (6 points = revoked license), and the impact that this will have on the doctorate. I know it's ultimately my responsibility, but I never speed with intent and I'm frustrated that these two errors may result in my losing my license.
I don't think there is any need to panic on that front, as you'll be offered a speed workshop for a first offence if you even get a ticket for that speed. Often your speedo shows a little more than the clocked speed, and they don't usually ticket at less than 10% over the limit unless there was a reason to consider it particularly dangerous. I've done 3 speed workshops in my 100,000 miles of driving for things like that. They waste some time and money, but you don't get points and some of the information is quite useful to know, as it is easy to speed accidentally.
benbrand wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 10:39 pm
1. I'm the victim of two counts of domestic fraud- my sister set up two lines of credit with online retailors. What's absolutely astounding to me is all that she needed was my DOB, previous address, and name. I'm dealing with debt collectors to have the record wiped, but it's obviously not with ease. Also, it's not easy acknowledging a family member stealing from you. Whilst I acknowledge her own mental health struggles, as well as understand from a psychological perspective my sister's deceitful behaviour, it's still difficult for me to move past this. Anyone else dealt with this? How far should one's understanding go?
I'm sorry to hear that. That sucks. I suspect it would be the sense of not knowing the person that could do something like that, and feeling like my trust had been betrayed that would bother me more than the practicalities of the fraud. I'm sure you know this, but it is okay to be sad, disappointed and angry even if you can formulate some contributing elements. Feelings aren't very logical, and take time to process. You can train yourself to think like a psychologist, but I'm not sure you can train your emotions to be anything other than what they are, whether you are able to express them authentically or not.

And I don't think there is a right answer in terms of what to do now. Maybe it would help to talk to your sister about how her actions have made you feel? You may or may not think it is appropriate to give empathy to her situation. I'm reminded of the "two hands" thing that Dan Hughes talks about when parenting traumatised children - giving empathy alone means that a person's past can become an excuse for their behaviour and part of their identity that is harder to change. Consequences alone reinforce shame, failure, rejection and isolation, which can also make their patterns harder to change. It is the combination of empathy with naming the issues, holding people accountable for their choices and giving them real consequences that is most likely to lead to progress. So I'd guess the ideal is to have a conversation that covers a lot of ground: I know you did this, and whilst x and y contributed I also hold you accountable for the choice you made. These are the effects it had on me, and these are the consequences to your choice, and the terms by which we can go forward from here.
Miriam

See my blog at http://clinpsyeye.wordpress.com

lingua_franca
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:35 pm

benbrand wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 10:39 pm
1. I'm the victim of two counts of domestic fraud- my sister set up two lines of credit with online retailors. What's absolutely astounding to me is all that she needed was my DOB, previous address, and name. I'm dealing with debt collectors to have the record wiped, but it's obviously not with ease. Also, it's not easy acknowledging a family member stealing from you. Whilst I acknowledge her own mental health struggles, as well as understand from a psychological perspective my sister's deceitful behaviour, it's still difficult for me to move past this. Anyone else dealt with this? How far should one's understanding go?
My parents had similar issues with my brother. They were being hounded by letters from debt collectors at one point. My brother is struggling with alcoholism (which we've known for a while) and it recently came to light that he has a gambling addiction as well. The deceit involved is huge, but it's some consolation to me to know that my brother is also deceiving himself, at least partially - like many people with addictions he is able to rationalise all his behaviour to himself, so it's not that he knowingly sets out to steal from people. But it can be difficult to know where to draw the line between compassion and consequences. In my own case, I will happily chat to him on the phone and meet him for lunch, but I don't ever let him visit me in my house because I can't trust him not to help himself to things (not that I have much that's valuable, but still - I know he got into serious trouble for stealing from an old employer and I can't take the risk). I know he finds this hurtful, but we would both find it more hurtful if he took my things and then we had to deal with that. My parents don't set many boundaries with him and consequently they have much more trouble.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

JB99
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by JB99 » Thu Apr 25, 2019 1:50 pm

miriam wrote:
Wed Apr 24, 2019 11:42 pm
I don't think there is any need to panic on that front, as you'll be offered a speed workshop for a first offence if you even get a ticket for that speed. Often your speedo shows a little more than the clocked speed, and they don't usually ticket at less than 10% over the limit unless there was a reason to consider it particularly dangerous. I've done 3 speed workshops in my 100,000 miles of driving for things like that. They waste some time and money, but you don't get points and some of the information is quite useful to know, as it is easy to speed accidentally.
Thanks Miriam. Unfortunately, I've already been on the awareness course. Last year I missed the limit change from an urban 40 zone into a 30 and got flashed.

I decided to call the lease company, who receive the tickets within 2 weeks, regarding the recent incidents, to see whether the M25 incident last month resulted in a ticket. Luckily nothing came through, so I'm feeling a lot better. Presumably I had slowed down even more after the flash went so I was no longer speeding for the second flash.

I guess these are the lessons to learn as a new driver, and I'll try to be even more careful (although I'm already really cautious!).

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by workingmama » Fri Apr 26, 2019 4:15 pm

1. I am honoured to work in the profession that we do, and to help the people that we work with by bearing witness to their challenges and troubles, but man, sometimes it just hurts. Some things are just so desperately unfair. Back to supervision for me.
2. Thinking about starting another block of therapy with a new CP (new to me CP, not a new CP, IYSWIM) but baulking at the substantial cost. Haven't paid for therapy for a good few years now. I wish I could learn to value therapy as much as I value things. I wouldn't question spending this much on a whole new wardrobe (and then I'd have a whole lot of nice clothes :wink: ). Hopefully I'll have a nice new mind at the end of this chunk.
3. Have eaten two scones back to back and feel both slightly sicky and pleasantly overfull at the same time.
4. All the above took up 5 thoughts worth of effort.
Fail, fail again, fail better.

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