5 things I'm thinking today. . .

[mungle]

Thanks Mishi!
I'd had my head buried in a formulation and therapeutic letter for a client I'm struggling with.
Doing better today!

[firegal]

1. Qualified job for October secured!
2. Day on placement finishing better than how it started
3. Number 2 is often the case, but I still can't shake my dislike of this placement
4. Looking forward to a lovely weekend celebrating a friend's birthday
5. Excited by all the pretty things I ordered for the house in a brief moment of retail therapy that happened between the "I don't think that interview went well" and the phonecall that suggested it hadn't gone quite as badly as I thought

[Victoriomantic]

1. Qualified job for October secured!

Me too! I just came here to say the same, but for post-HI

Congratulations firegal!! Well deserved

[mungle]

Congratulations firegal and Victoriomantic!

[workingmama]

Good news both! Well done!

[lingua_franca]

1.) My boyfriend broke up with me on Friday, after barely a month together, and it seemed to come out of nowhere. My heart is a bit squashed around the edges, not least because this is the first relationship I've had after developing PTSD, and it took me four years to feel ready to try anything like this. This guy is a good friend, and although we should be able to stay friends, it's hard not to feel rejected after such a short space of time. Ow. Chocolate. That helps. Tea, chocolate, and cats (the latter not as a comestible).
2.) I was supposed to travel abroad with him this summer. He has suggested we still do it, just as friends. I need to decide if my heart can handle that.
3.) Congrats firegal and Victoriomantic! Seeing other people's good news does help a bit.
4.) I had a journal article rejection today with some incredibly caustic comments from the dreaded Reviewer Two. That hasn't helped much with mood either. As a junior academic, I've only been invited to peer review an article three times, but each of those times I worked really hard on sounding courteous even when I had a critical point to make. I hope I never forget how gutting it can feel to get a snarky anonymous review as I become more senior.
5.) My kitten is annoying my cat much less. He isn't quite such a high-energy furball as he was. Only 80% of the time instead of 90% of it (aaaand now he's trying to get all over the keyboard!).

[firegal]

Thanks for the congrats everyone, it's very exciting! Took about 3 interviews to get a yes, but I think I found the job that fits best (and omg, sooooo much less stressful than AP or course applications!).

Oh Lingua, so many hugs for you (or insert your preferred form of reassurance here), it's horrible to be broken up with when you think things are going well. I'd think long and hard about travelling with him as friends, of course you know the situation best, but personally I think travelling alone after a break up was just about the most therapeutic, uplifting thing I have ever done!

1. I went for a walk this weekend and I found a path that goes by a field with lots of friendly horses and ponies, one of them put their head over the fence and just rested it on my chest in that way that horses do and I can't remember the last time I felt quite that happy. It prompted me to finally get in touch with the stables that I have a voucher for, though honestly I feel like even if I didn't go riding just going and giving a pony a good groom would do wonders for my mood. (honestly, could not stop sniffing my clothes the rest of the day, horse smell is the best!)

2. Brought up all of my placement concerns with my supervisor and feeling better about it

3. With my new job I get to keep up some of my research work and that is mega exciting to me

4. It's starting to sink in that in a few months I will be in a place that I thought it might take me a few years of qualified life to get to (clinical job that I want, alongside research work), it feels pretty awesome

5. Can't wait to enjoy the sunshine and a few drinks with friends after work

[lingua_franca]

Thanks, firegal. The suddenness has winded me. He asked me out in April 2018, but I said no, as although I was attracted to him I didn't feel firm enough in my PTSD recovery for a relationship. I started to consider it from last December (I suspected he was still interested), by March I felt ready for it, and then in June we became a couple...only for him to decide practically overnight that this isn't for him. Not three weeks ago he was excitedly planning my October trip to meet his parents (they live overseas) and we were considering which area to live in when I start my next postdoc (as I envisaged he'd be spending a good bit of time with me, I thought he should have some say over the house). Then bam, this. It's bewildering to me, as this sort of changeability is not really in my nature, at least not where relationships are concerned. He told me once that I was one of the most steadfast and reliable people he knew. A shame that he himself turns out to share some crucial attributes with a blancmange.

1.) My mum is out of hospital and recovering well post-surgery. I had a good chat with her by phone. I have to try hard not to make her laugh, because it hurts her stitches.
2.) People have been so kind to me. I didn't know what good friends I had.
3.) I haven't been riding in three weeks. Firegal is right - horses are the answer to everything. They will make my heart feel seaworthy again when I go.
4.) I've come down with a cold literally right after recovering from one. I've been haemorrhaging mucus ever since 24th June. This is beyond a joke.
5.) One hour at a time. I've got this.

[lingua_franca]

1.) Everyone should have a friend in their life whom they met on a seesaw at seven years old and who has been with them through thick and thin through the intervening quarter of a century. I have one such friend, and I'm staying with her now. I sent a five-word message on WhatsApp outlining what had happened, and before I had time to elaborate, she came back with, "I WILL PUNCH HIM." Childhood girlfriends have no sense of proportion and they wait for no facts. They're just automatically in your corner with the home baking, the rousing pep talks, and the utter willingness to go out and commit vigilante violence on your behalf.
2.) I only have six MA essays left to mark. They're quite weighty (8,000 words each) but I'm confident I can get them done by the end of today if I push myself. I'll be relieved when they're in.
3.) My cat doesn't seem to be very well. The catsitter wants to take her to the vet. I'm worried. It doesn't feel as if there is much else that can go wrong in July, but this is bizarrely comforting - if I can survive being broken up with while my mum was in hospital undergoing triple bypass surgery I can cope with whatever else it throws with me.
4.) I will not travel with my ex. I'm too hopeful we might get back together and I need to keep to myself and listen to appropriate angst-ridden playlists until that urge has passed.
5.) Starting the day well (cup of tea, decent breakfast, time to pray and then read a chapter of a good book before diving into work) makes all the difference.

[nomnom]

1. I used to find myself be able to write and reflect in moments of tragedy and I used to wonder why I was unable to do this all the time. I've recently had the realisation that it is not about the skill, but where the content comes from. The most intense experiences have a way of creating art and poetry that is unrivaled by less intense emotions. I guess I am finding comfort in the process of tolerating the intensity. Silver linings and all...

2. My first week of working with IESO and Pulse. So far it is ok and I am looking forward to working both ways to determine which one offers more to build on skills to stick to in the long run.

3. I really can't seem to find my appetite ...

4. Holiday in 3 weeks

5. One step at a time!

[lingua_franca]

3.) My cat doesn't seem to be very well. The catsitter wants to take her to the vet. I'm worried. It doesn't feel as if there is much else that can go wrong in July, but this is bizarrely comforting - if I can survive being broken up with while my mum was in hospital undergoing triple bypass surgery I can cope with whatever else it throws with me.

1.) My cat is in the veterinary hospital and they suspect she has a very rare disease called FIP. It's fatal. It can't be diagnosed conclusively until post-mortem. The best case scenario is that it's really pancreatitis. She has a fighting chance with that, and the symptom profile is similar, so they can't distinguish between them. We will know if she can get better if she starts to rally with the feeding tube she has in place now. If it's FIP she'll deteriorate no matter what food and medicines they give her. The horrible hard knowledge is that if it's FIP, it will have been passed to her by the kitten I got to be her companion. Apparently lots of cats are silent carriers, and most cats who are exposed to the virus don't get ill. It's so rare for this to happen. And it happened with me on the other side of the Atlantic, on a trip I only booked because my now-ex wanted me to, with him breaking up with me the week before we were due to fly. (I didn't travel with him - I stayed with other friends over here, so as not to waste a non-refundable ticket. But I am sorely tempted to blame him and call down curses upon his head.)
2.) I got hit with a £90 baggage fee because I forgot to purchase hold luggage in advance. That's trivial with everything else that's going on, but I had to pay £1500 upfront to have my cat admitted to the veterinary hospital, and her insurance policy is capped at £7000. They estimate they have spent nearly £5000 already. My mobile provider charged me something ridiculous to receive phone calls from the vet, so I have a £78 mobile bill as well. I will worry about this later.
3.) I'm at the airport for my flight back and it's delayed by two hours. Of course it is. I might miss my connection. There is a screaming toddler in here. I know how she feels.
4.) I can cope with this. I can. One moment at a time. I have some lovely friends who are really looking after me.
5.) I'm so glad I deferred the start date of my next postdoc to January. I don't think I will be in good shape to start researching on 1 October.

[Geishawife]

Thinking of you Lingua. What a horrible time! Pets being so poorly is so distressing. Sending you virtual hugs and healing thoughts.

[lingua_franca]

Thanks, Geishawife. It doesn't look good. They're talking of a blood transfusion. Right now I'll settle for just being there to hold her at the end. It's so hard to forgive myself for getting a kitten. If I'd been content with the one lovely cat I have (had? ) this might never have happened. But I'll never know, as it's such a rare disease with few conclusive biomarkers, so it's pointless to speculate. I just hope she gets better.

I missed my connection, the airline has managed to lose my hold luggage somewhere between the USA and my connecting city (Paris), and the I was told I would have to buy a new ticket myself and then submit a claim for reimbursement. The cheapest fare was nearly 400 euros and going via Finland. I'm on the Eurostar, as that was half the price and I don't have a spare 400 euros. So I'll be getting home about eight hours later than planned. I only hope my luggage is following me.

I'm actually laughing at this. It's one of those situations where the trials and tribulations happen so thick and fast that it is funny in its way. At least I'll appreciate my bed tonight.

[Victoriomantic]

Lingua I'm so sorry. Sending as much warmth, high hopes and love as I can over the internet. Try not to blame yourself if the worst does happen, it's not like you could have predicted or desired it. Hoping you travel safely and your luggage finds you. x

[Punkgirluk]

Lingua- I am so sorry- FIP is an evil and far too common disease. But please don’t beat yourself up... the road to FIP is a complex one and it is not a directly transmissible disease so your kitten is unlikely to be the culprit. Feel free to DM me- while I’m sure the vets are doing their utmost- I am happy to answer any questions/explain more fully (I remain a qualified vet and was previously a specialist veterinary clinical pathologist- so my area was complex diagnostics)